she kept yelling 'call me bella'
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
