Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
