She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
