we have officially lost it.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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