i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
