My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
