The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
