I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My balls are so social today.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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