im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
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The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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