in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
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just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
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I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth