Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.