why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.