allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Randomize