I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
