I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
