i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
