dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
