so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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