Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
