thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
