I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
