pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
