the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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