Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
