I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
