Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
