Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
