My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
