I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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