I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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