she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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