There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
