I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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