That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
