i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
