I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
