I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
