so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
