he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
