I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
