Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
