apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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