im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
