That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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