I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
