She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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