Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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