Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
