He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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