I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize