She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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