he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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