she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
