Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
