Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
