you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
