bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
