some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All I want is dick and wine.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize