I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
