remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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