Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
