my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
