The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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