go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
