Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
