toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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