life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm lost and stupid without you.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
