wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
